The fear of joy

Why are we afraid of joy? Life seems to be all about doing the right thing, working hard, making a living and so on. Is joy a luxury? Even when it comes to finding someone to love, it seems so hard. Half of every marriage in the Western world ends in divorce. In Singapore, it is one in four. In Singapore, we worry about grades - as a student, it is the grades of exams; as an adult, it is about making the grade (to get that promotion or even keeping the job we have). Joy seems a scarce commodity.

Beware the joy of the adrenalin rush. That is putting the cart before the horse. And what happens is that the horse cannot see where it is going. It is joy that should be giving us the rush, not the rush that gives us the adrenalin 'joy'. This kind of joy - the joy of the ferris wheel, the merry-go-round, or the rollercoaster (or whatever modern rush we invent) - is not good because it does not sustain you. And worse, it does not edify.

The right kind of joy are the joys you are born to seek: the joy of loving and the joy of learning. We love babies and babies are happiest when they get loving attention or when they are learning about their environment (which fortunately, they learn about through play). And this joy is wonderful because it makes life meaningful and worth living - it sustains and edifies you. Every one of us knows the power of love. Those of us lucky enough to receive it, from our parents, friends and lovers, know that it gives us strength to face the world and inspires us to make the most of our lives. Those of us who don't receive it are listless and careless and yearns for love, any kind of love. We may find ways around the lack of love in our lives but each adaptation makes us harder, more cynical and less generous. And if you will only acknowledge it, your life is centred around the seeking of this joy of love.

But there is also the joy of learning. Anything at all can be a learning opportunity, such is our capacity for this joy. For me, the greatest joy of learning is found in what is taught in school - in the arts and in science (which includes mathematics). It such a pity that the educational system is such an obstacle to this joy, so that only those with nothing to lose (especially those from places without formal education) can appreciate the joy of learning. Those of us, for whom education is a meal ticket, or a measure of our worth (see your sister, she has scored 9 A1's), we are frightened off learning. If only teachers in schools start their classes with this: "Listen to me, and I will tell you the secrets of the universe, how the stars came to be and of lands faraway. I will tell you of times of old, of kings and queens and the battles fought, of things you cannot see and of things that we cannot even imagine. I will tell you of futures to come, of impossible inventions and why we are the way we are today. I have so much to tell you that 1001 of us cannot finish telling you in 1001 years of 1001 nights."

Wouldn't you want to just sit down and listen? And learn? But this is what we are being taught - science and literature and history and geography and mathematics and more. And yet, where is the magic? Where is the learning? Why are the students not open mouthed and bright eyed?

This is my tribute (and hope) for a coffee shop, and here then are some gateways: