Know this ye who seek love...
There's this article in Today's paper on what teenagers should be allowed to do when it comes to sex. This Aussie (I think) expert recommended the middle path - don't disapprove completely but meet in the middle. I have this problem with sex education today - in Singapore or elsewhere: it only talks about sex.
Actually, I don't think knowledge about sex is the problem. It's the lack of understanding about love. So, here, people, is what you need to know but have never been told.
There are 4 stages to love:
1. attraction - like it or not, love begins with superficial attraction: looks, money, intelligence, empathy, etc. Whatever turns you on, it's not the whole person but something you notice and like. Many people think this is love. It is, but there's more.
2. discovery - that's when you get to know one another better. Some call this going steady. The problem is that for some, this is already commitment while to the partner, it may just be testing the water.
3. commitment - people, there's no commitment until he/she says so. Don't fall into the mistake of thinking there is just because everything is hunky dory. To some, commitment is going steady, to others it's engagement, to yet others it's marriage. There're different depths of commitment, so don't assume.
4. relationship - the kind of love that you see in old couples, holding hands and caring for one another after several decades comes from developing the relationship. It takes work and sacrifice.
The problem with teenage love is not that it is not true love but that it can be [true love]. Romeo and Juliet are teenagers. Mary was only 13 when she gave birth to Jesus. The problem with teenage love is that you are ready for love but your partner is unlikely to be. And, society would rather you wait - no, it is not just your parents but the whole of society. In teenage love, you are fighting the tide. Worse, you may actually be in agreement with the tide, deep inside.
But, you are lonely and you yearn for someone to love or who loves you. What can you do? For some, knowing your problem is enough. For the rest, I was post more later.
Actually, I don't think knowledge about sex is the problem. It's the lack of understanding about love. So, here, people, is what you need to know but have never been told.
There are 4 stages to love:
1. attraction - like it or not, love begins with superficial attraction: looks, money, intelligence, empathy, etc. Whatever turns you on, it's not the whole person but something you notice and like. Many people think this is love. It is, but there's more.
2. discovery - that's when you get to know one another better. Some call this going steady. The problem is that for some, this is already commitment while to the partner, it may just be testing the water.
3. commitment - people, there's no commitment until he/she says so. Don't fall into the mistake of thinking there is just because everything is hunky dory. To some, commitment is going steady, to others it's engagement, to yet others it's marriage. There're different depths of commitment, so don't assume.
4. relationship - the kind of love that you see in old couples, holding hands and caring for one another after several decades comes from developing the relationship. It takes work and sacrifice.
The problem with teenage love is not that it is not true love but that it can be [true love]. Romeo and Juliet are teenagers. Mary was only 13 when she gave birth to Jesus. The problem with teenage love is that you are ready for love but your partner is unlikely to be. And, society would rather you wait - no, it is not just your parents but the whole of society. In teenage love, you are fighting the tide. Worse, you may actually be in agreement with the tide, deep inside.
But, you are lonely and you yearn for someone to love or who loves you. What can you do? For some, knowing your problem is enough. For the rest, I was post more later.
posted by brownpanda @ 6:53 am
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