ashpanda

2008-12-25T10:13:00.017+08:00

A New Beginning

After a long lapse, I am back again. My last post was early this year but God has not been idle. So, I am back here to continue my journey with Christ.

This Christmas, I was brought back to a beginning. Retracing the beginning of my journey, and re-experiencing God. And the beginning is always the wonder of this world we live in. Beyond the power of His law in mathematics, science, music and the arts, I think that if we do not experience the breathtaking awesomeness of such beauty, we are missing the greatest, most important experience in our lives. The beginning of knowing God is to simply be awed by Him - by the beauty of the world around us, the sunsets, the gurgling streams, the sweet rose, the cooling wind, all these things.

When the ancients experienced this beauty, they sang and danced and feasted and built temples. They celebrated with joy and they reached out with their own gifts, gifts that reflected the best that they can do, that they can be. They sacrificed that which they held most dear - the best of the harvest, the choicest meat, and yes, even vestal virgins.

Have we, in this modern and clinical world, forgotten how to behold beauty? What it means to feel this wonder in our hearts? No wonder then that we ask, where is God?

[I just reread my previous posts and realized that indeed, I am back where I started. That this fresh revelation is not new at all. How about that?]

Prelude

2007-01-05T07:47:00.001+08:00

An old friend of mine, quite a brilliant and successful engineer, once said to me, "I don't believe in Christianity because its doctrines are too complicated - three Gods in One, Jesus as the Son of God, etc. I don't think, if there is a God, that this God will make the truth so difficult that even someone like me cannot understand it. If I can't, what hope would those less intelligent than I have? In any case, it all boils down to being a good person, and all the major religions teach that. I am content to be as good as I can be, and if there is God, then he can decide my fate as he sees fit."

It seems a reasonable point of view. And the way Christians carry their faith, it certainly does seem that way. On the whole, Christians are no better as people that those who are not. The main difference seems to lie in rituals and traditions that seem by today's standards, rather quaint. And while Christianity as a religion is different from other religions, it doesn't impact the non-Christian as something more than just another religion. The areas in which Christianity appear to be true - that if there is God, he must be loving and just; and that we should love one another - are truths reflected in other religions as well. Even the secular world abides by these truths. The areas in which Christianity appears to be different - Jesus as the Son of God, and the other tenets that follow from that - seem to the non-Christian mind to be secondary matters. Articles of faith. Beliefs that you can take or leave.

In response, there have been many books and articles written to prove Christianity. That Jesus actually lived and died, and rose again, and that the Bible is indeed a book (rather, a collection of books) of not just historical facts but of incontrovertible truth.

I think these attempts are futile, but more worrying, they miss the central experience of Christianity. Few, if any, Christians are believers because they are convinced of Jesus in the same way we are convinced that scientific laws apply to the natural world. Yes, some are convinced by the logical and historical arguments that have been presented to them, but that alone will surely not be enough. Those who forwarded the logical arguments - St Augustine, St Thomas Aquinas, C. S. Lewis - all came to the faith before they developed the logic. The central experience of Christianity lies in the experience of the living God. This experience has so far been regarded as being beyond explanation. Indeed, to the outside eye, Christians who claim to have heard God speak to them, or noticed signs that God gave them, or even those who appear to have been miraculously healed, are either seen to be delusional or else putting too much meaning into everyday events and coincidences.

I am a recent Christian. My faith has not become so ingrained as to be beyond self-scrutiny and analysis. And it is not so deep as to reach levels that cannot be explained. This shallow faith may perhaps be sufficiently grounded in human reason to be shared and hopefully help others who are seeking.

The reason why I am a Christian, and I think is also the reason why many Christians believe, is this: if you look closely enough, you can see a divine intelligence behind our lives and this world we live in. It is an intelligence that looks after the small and the weak, that makes things possible for all but allows no one to usurp his throne. It is both rigidly logically and yet amazingly paradoxical. It is, if I may use a metaphor, a mind that when encountered takes our breath away with its beauty, simplicity and logic. Many have glimpsed this mind and it is these glimpses that gave birth to all our philosophies, religions, art and science. When encountered, we often think to ourselves, "Of course. This is the way things must be. Why didn't I think of this before?"

The Christian experience is to seek refuge in this mind. For within this mind is great peace and calm. And joy beyond understanding. It is not an experience special to Christians and certainly, not all Christians experience this calm and joy. Nor do any Christian experience it all the time.

In the following pages, I shall try to reveal this mind. To explain why, despite the complexities of this world, there is an inner logic. It is a logic within which we may find refuge, and yet paradoxically, while we may see what this world could ideally be, we can also see why this world is perfect with all its faults. It is a logic that is both simple and beyond comprehension.

You see, the answer that came to me when my old friend spoke to me was this: there are lots of Christians who are less intelligent than he and who had no problems believing and being Christians. God does not favour the more intelligent over the rest. Being more intelligent, or rich, or talented, does not mean that it is easier for you to reach God, or rather for God to reach you, than if you are not these things. Indeed, sometimes, our very intelligence or wealth or talent prevents us from acknowledging and seeking God. While God may have endowed some of us with more or better faculties than others, He is able to reach out to those who need him most regardless.

This was my first glimpse of his divine intelligence.

Aquinas, Thomas, 1954 (orig. 1265 – 1274) "Nature and Grace: Selections from the Summa Theologica of Thomas Aquinas" ed. A.M. Fairweather, Westminster Press, 1954
Augustine, St., 2004 (orig. 397), "Confessions of a Sinner" Penguin Books.
Lewis, C. S., 1987 (c1952), "Mere Christianity : a revised and enlarged edition, with a new introduction, of the three books, The Case for Christianity, Christian Behaviour, and Beyond Personality" Phoenix Press, New York.
Yancey, Philip, 1995, "The Jesus I Never Knew" Zondervan.

Divine Intelligence - In the beginning...

2007-01-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

I've decided to dedicate this year to writing about my notion of divine intelligence. It's been an idea brewing in my mind for quite some time and thanks to you, my dedicated readers, I think I have finally formulated enough about it to write it out. I'm somewhat torn between calling it divine intelligence and divine inspiration. However, the word "inspiration" already means to be influenced by God, to have God breathe on you.

As usual, I look forward to your encouragement and criticism. Tell me where I am wrong, where I am just being foolish and where, perhaps, I may even be inspired.

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

2006-12-25T17:16:00.000+08:00

Well, it's not coming along as well as I had hoped but I did enjoy all the feedback I got from the blog. It has helped me clarify my thoughts in many things and even started me thinking seriously on a book about divine inspiration. We had a quiet Christmas, as we tend to do - in church and at home, mainly.

Many thanks to all who posted and who helped make my day. All the best to one and all.

Cheers, brownpanda.

What the. . .

2006-12-15T08:51:00.000+08:00

I'm not often stumped for words, but this game has left me speechless...

Screen capture from http://gizmodo.com/?refId=221956

I particularly like the part highlighted. Ummm, are kids today crazy enough to play this game.... hellooo?

The art of poetry

2006-12-09T11:22:00.000+08:00

I have an abiding concern with growing old gracefully. One of the discoveries I have made in growing old (I'm over 50, in case anyone's wondering) is that I have a growing admiration for things done well and simply. It's about finding the flow of nature and being part of that. It's been called living in harmony with nature, or some such other nonsense. Lest there be confusion about what I mean, here are two of the best poems I have ever read about growing old:

You are old, father William

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment one shilling a box
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his fater, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Lewis Carroll and Dylan Thomas, who else? BTW, one of them is dd's ode to her dd - guess which. No prize, it's a no brainer.

All abt Tomma

2006-12-07T08:48:00.000+08:00

Meet Tomma Abts. What's so special about her work? They are all acrylic and oil paintings. So simple and yet. I like.

Now I've xin it all

2006-11-30T09:21:00.000+08:00

The last post has prompted me to assemble some new words inspired by one we know and dearly love. As a collective, we may call these words xinisms. But xinism itself has a meaning beyond just a collective noun. A xinism is a sentence, saying or utterance that is both erudite and embarassingly ambiguous. A classic example might be:

"I don't mind if Gandalf doesn't come, as long as his staff comes."

Or something equally mindnumbing. Friends and other loved ones are invited to celebrate this young wonder amongst us.

ximple: an explanation that is obvious to the speaker but not the listener. It can be used following or preceding the explanation itself, "Look, it's really so ximple."

xincere: praise said gushingly. Almost a twitter but not quite. The word is usually used upon receiving such praise, for example, "Thank you, that was quite xincere." But can be used at the end of a letter or posting, too. As in, Yours xincerely, brownpanda. When used this way, it means that I not only like you but I can feel we share such vibes, it’s scary.

xintillating: a mind or conversation that sparkles but remains incomprehensible

xinical: random statements interjected into conversations at random moments. As in, “That was a rather xinical remark.”

xinbiosis: a close friendship characterised by conversations comprising unfinished sentences and/or exclamations. A typical conversation might go something like this:

Girl A: Did you see that movie?
(It's always girls. Only girls have that kind of psychic insight into each other minds that transcends words. They look for a similar insight in the men they love but alas, we invariably disappoint. Anyway, the conversation begins innocently enough.)
Girl B: Which one?
Girl A: You know, the one where...
Girl B: Yes, yes, yes. I saw it yesterday.
Girl A: Isn't it wonderful?
Girl B: Omigod, the guy...he's so CUTE!
Girl A: Oh yes, I know. And in that scene...
Girl B: That's right. Omigod, I could like totally die!
Girl A: God yes, I know exactly how you feel!

The bemused onlooker has no idea which movie they are talking about, let alone know how they feel. The sentences invariably end with exclamation marks and lots of screaming and giggling. There is also a strong religious undertone. You get the drift. Maybe not, but you know how it goes. It's a highly refined form of twittering.

xintax: a branch of logic that proves that everything evolves from and revolves around ballet and dance, OR which, it didn't quite happen that way but there were a number of signs, and to cut a long story short, "God told me."

We welcome other contributions. Oh yes, a word on pronunciation. The words are pronounced with an emphatic or hard 'sss' sound, which might, to untrained ears seem to indicate a high level of sarcasm.

The art of conversation

2006-11-27T15:57:00.000+08:00

It's official: we have lost the art of conversation. I wonder, did we ever had it? Often, success in holding a conversation means being a good listener. Or else, it is being someone who can talk a lot of nonsense and making people laugh. Are we, have we ever been, good at being able to talk about things that matter and understand one another?

Conversation: A History of a Declining Art
Stephen Miller, 2006

Clearly, by conversation, I don't mean the chitter chatter that we still do. Or the twittering of teenage girls at the back of the car. It's the oddest thing. Put two or more teenage girls in the back of a car, and they twitter. Guys cannot twitter. If girls be birds, then guys are beasts. In a car, guys need to be driving, or else they will sit tensely still and gaze out the window. Or fidget. If we could, we'd prowl. So, if you put a guy together with a girl who twitters, then the guy basically have no choice but to ask her to marry him or something equally drastic. And of course, once married, the twittering turns into something else. Now, if we learn to converse, then these things won't happen. We'd be able to talk and actually understand one another. And not have to get married just because.

The internet has come to the rescue, as it has in so many other ways. The best and easiest way to converse today is to blog. When you blog, you get to think carefully of what you are going to say. You even get to go back and change your words. People can respond as they might and you get to choose who to respond back to. It's conversation without all the pitfalls.

I've realised that there are only a number of ways to write a successful blog. By which I mean a blog that is widely read - like xiaxue's. One of them is to write it like a magazine - specialising in reviews about computers, environment and dieting. People read this because they are interested in the topic you are covering. It's a one-stop for the latest, plus a bit of humour and personality. The other way is to be so very funny. It helps, in this case, to be a pretty girl. I don't know why, but it helps. Sometimes, you don't even have to be funny, just be a pretty girl. Pretty boys don't hack it, I'm afraid. In this case, people drop by because they can associate with what is said, share a joke or two, and pass the time. Don't ask me why people, both men and women, find it easier to associate, even over the internet, with a pretty girl than with just about anybody else. They just do. The third way is to have a lot of friends. Or fans. Famous people are simply interesting. So everything they have to say is worth listening to, even if they say the silliest or most obvious things.

Which takes us to the teen blog. Teenagers do not converse. They rave and rant. They have enough of listening (to parents, teachers, and just about every adult they meet). They need to have their say. Without any proper channels to vent their feelings, teenagers blog. Visit a teen blog and you will not know what they are on about. You are not required to know, in any case. All their tags are complimentary ones, from friends, righting and spotting them on. And they tag one another. Teen blogs are basically a support group. All fine and good. But I am no longer a teenager. And through this blog, I've realised my soul yearns for conversation. G.K. Chesterton puts it best:

Orthodoxy
G.K.Chesterton, 1908

Friends, Romans and countrymen, talk to me.

The basis of your premise

2006-11-26T12:36:00.000+08:00

The response to the previous post is well worth the price of a free lunch - even beyond the pleasure of meeting someone new, or even having lunch with an old friend. It reinforces my belief that the best argument for the existence of God is what I have called divine intelligence.

The problem of the centre of the universe, arising from the Big Bang theory, seems at first to be mindbogglingly difficult. But, take a few things into consideration, like space/time continuum, and it all falls into place. Even a child can understand it. And you cannot be but amazed. And yet, there are so many unanswered questions yet remaining. There is no end to it. You go, wow, and then, you are left scratching your head again.

Which leads me to Becca and her statements about faith, transformation and Christianity. It also has to do with the dangers of logical thinking - a common tool of the enemy. You see, God's intelligence is awesome - it is both simple and powerful. It is beautiful beyond understanding. It stirs up your soul like the way music does, or a good story, or poetry or falling in love. And it is available to all of God's creatures.

If you look at life logically, you might think: we ought to work hard, be the best we can be and always do the right thing. And you find you cannot. So, you feel guilty, and/or sorry for yourself, and you try harder. What's wrong with this logic? Nothing. Except it is not God's plan.

You see, if you believe in Christianity, then you must begin with the understanding that God loves us. And, he created this beautiful world for us to be happy in, so that we can praise him and love him in return. How can you be happy working so hard and feeling so guilty about your failures and all the fun you are having, and thinking you should be like working 25 hours a day?

If you believe in the Christian God, then begin by seeing what a wonderful world he has created. How good life is, and how you can really be happy. You don't know how to be happy? Love one another. Accept each other the way we are.

Logic tells us that if we accept each other for our faults, if we cherish our parents because they nag, and our children because they love life and hate to study, they will do all the wrong things - nag us more, and play more and study less. Right? Wrong. The reverse and wonderful thing happen. When parents find that their children are willing to listen to their nagging, they nag less and can show their love more. The time together is spent more in conversation than in quarrelling. Even if the parent continues to nag, the different response of the child will make the time spent together so much better. It will be more like listening to your parent's troubles than being scolded.

In the same way, when children are scolded less, and made to feel useless less in spite of their failures, they actually work harder and enjoy studying more. People are made the right way: they want to be successful, they want to love one another (and to be loved), and they want to do the right things. The most frequent reason why they don't is because we don't trust one another enough to let it happen.

So, what is the basis of your premise? Do you believe in God? Do you believe he is a loving God? Do you believe that he is all powerful and therefore in charge of everything? If you believe all this, then trust him, trust your deeper instincts to love and to let go, and then you will see the world in all its glory and beauty. And you will see your own transformation, from a stressed-out frustrated over-achiever to a happy, well-adjusted person who is happy just being one of God's wonderful creatures. And your days will be filled with wonder, exploring the mysteries that God has created to amaze us. You will not be lazy, but alive, eager to do good deeds and to be useful to others. You will care when others are hurt and you will do what you can to help. You will be the best you can be, if you will but let go. You will do all these things and not be tired. Your energy will be abundant and overflowing. Remember, the first command is this: Love God, and love one another. Open your eyes to first see how much God loves us.

The point of it all

2006-11-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

My dear readers (I think there are about 3 or 4 of them) will know that I am both literate and a simpleton. In other words, I read a lot but understand very little. And what I understand, I understand in a simple way. Which is why I don't understand the Big Bang theory.

According to this theory, attributed to Edwin Hubble of the Hubble telescope fame, the universe started as a big bang because the current universe can be observed to be continuously expanding in all directions. The velocity of the galaxy is proportional to its distance. Galaxies that are twice as far from us move twice as fast. The thing is, this expansion can be observed in precisely the same way no matter where you are in the universe. In other words, seen from earth, the galaxies are seen as expanding away from earth. But seen from the moon, or some other extraterrestrial rock, the galaxies will be observed to be expanding away in exactly the same fashion. This uniformity of the universe is scientifically referred to as its homogeneity.

OK. Enough of big words and inadequate simplification. My question is this: where is the center of the universe? Any explosion must begin from a specific point. In fact, the big bang theory suggests precisely such a point. And if you look at the results of an explosion, you can backtrack to the source of the explosion - where the bang happened. In that sense, there must therefore be a center of the universe. There isn't one. At least none that we can identify. Why not?

As I see it, there are a few possible explanations, none of them satisfactory:
1. We can only backtrack an explosion in our universe because it occurs in an external time/space continuum. You cannot backtrack the explosion from within its own time/space continuum. While this is philosophically appealing, I don't know if you can prove this.
2. The expansion of the universe is a kind of optical illusion - something to do with the relationship between time and the speed of light. What we see of the universe is not as it exists at that moment but of the light that was emitted some time back given the time it takes for the light to travel to where we are.
3. The universe is expanding but there is no origin. Since the size of infinity is equal to the size of the universe, an expanding universe need not have an origin, since it can expand eternally in a space/time continuum that is infinite. Or to put it simply, the universe has always been expanding, but was what it is today.

Does any of this make any sense? Free lunch to anyone who can explain this to me. Judgement will be made collectively by all the esteemed readers of this blog.

PS: In researching this question, I looked up the size of the universe. It's unknown and disputed, of course. But one of the ways by which we measure its size is to look at how far away is the furthest star. And, I guess, multiply that number by two since we are presumably measuring the radius. All this is guesswork on my part, but I am just wondering, if we were in any other part of the universe, will all the stars seem equally far away like it is on earth? If so, does this tell us anything about the big bang?

PPS: There is, of course, a correct explanation - which I found out after I posted this blog. The above explanation also contains a lie, so don't trust everything you read.

Being relevant in the new age

2006-11-20T14:18:00.000+08:00

Meet Alan Fletcher, graphic designer extraordinaire. Here's how he remained relevant by staying irrelevant:

"Graphic designers don’t find solutions by manipulating materials, not since the computer replaced their drawing boards, set squares, ruling pens, compasses, and all their old paraphernalia. But Fletcher, notably after leaving the design group Pentagram which he helped to found in 1972, stayed with the physical rather than the digital. He said that the drawings he made for a paper manufacturer’s promotional booklet used “dip pens, rollerballs, ballpoints, fibre-tips, soft pencils and hard leads. Coarse cartridge, smooth cold press, handmade papers, laid and wove stock, blotting paper”. His other tools were brush and ink, scissors and coloured paper, for text as well as images. Scratchy pen lettering, complete with blots, became a recognisable Fletcher idiom."

The logo of the news service Reuters, designed in 1967, in use until 1996.

Poster of the Best of British Authors (1980).

“There really is no such thing as art. There are only artists.”
opening words of Ernst Gombrich’s The Story of Art,
first published by Phaidon in 1949.

Self Portrait
as “an international safecracker
wishing to protect his identity,”

All of the above information is obtained from domusweb, internet home of the premier architecture magazine from Italy, Domus. You may have to join (it's free) to access the full article. *sorry*

Truth and the poetry of logic

2006-11-19T08:51:00.000+08:00

My dear dd mentioned that we think alike. Ah well, what can I say - great minds. But, truth to tell, she has outstripped me in many ways. What I have is perhaps the advantage of experience.

This experience is of little value in today's world. A good friend puts it succinctly:

"I know the answer. It is easy to say but hard to do. The world is moving so fast, we are becoming obsolete by the time we are 40. A friend of mine was retrenched. Because he had a good package, he took his time looking for another job. By the time he found one he liked, two years later, he couldn't hold it because he found he was obsolete. He waited too long and was too fussy about the jobs he was willing to do."

Bearing in mind that our life expectancy is in the eighties, this means that for those retrenched in the 40s, they have some 40 years of being irrelevant to society. Because that is what having a job means. It is not just about making ends meet, our work, however much we dislike it, is how we identify ourselves in the eyes of society. It reflects our place in society and also our value. True, it is not about money. Being a good mother, for example, counts for a lot and certainly, most mothers are way underpaid.

It also doesn't make sense for society to have some 50 percent of its population not working. If you include those who are students (many of us are fulltime students to our mid 20s), then the number is easily more.

On the other hand, it is impossible for us, as we grow older, to keep up with the latest. And so, even as we try, we know we will not be able to keep up with the young. Does this mean that our shelf life ends at 40? If so, this will spell disaster to the modern society.

The alternative then is to find a different, yet still useful, role for us as we grow older. I think we have to accept the fact that we must continue to learn. But as we grow older, we bring something more than a blank slate to the table. We must find ways to make what we bring an advantage.

What we, the older amongst us, bring is something not measured by logic. It is the reason why science needs both experiment and logic to achieve truth. I like it that the two words - experience and experiment - stem from the same root word. My dear dd will call it intuition - something that women have more than men.

The one great truth is that whatever we believe now is wrong. Not entirely so, but wrong if we think we know it all. We need to open our minds to new possibilities, and in the free world, we will not be hampered by naysayers. So, yes, dear daughter, your teachers were wrong.

Africa's "Mother of Trees"

Singing rain

2006-11-17T08:00:00.000+08:00

I love the rain. It washes away stuff. Like the shower, the water washes my body while in the bath, the muck just stays floating in the water around you. This raining tree is an art installation in Singapore. Apparently,

Dutch-born artist Iepe B. T. Rubingh . . . says he uncovered the Singapore Miracle tree’s supernatural powers after ‘talking’ to it for three weeks. Inspired by traditional folklore, he believes that the rain from the tree cleanses one’s sins, cures diseases and acts as a kind of fountain of youth.

That's why we need to cry. The tears wash away our sorrows. And so deep is the sorrow that cannot be washed away. And our eyes are dry of tears. We carry such sorrows with us.

The Singapore Biennale is the best thing to have happened in Singapore like since forever. My regret is that I missed most of it. Now that the exams are over, check it out. You will grow in directions you never thought possible.

When you are young, life is like rain. It soaks you until you can feel it seeping out through the pores. As you grow up, you may miss this rain. Instead of seeing the sun, you may see only the darkness or the starkness of life. Like water that falls on the mustard seed, the rain now is to help you grow into a tree that can withstand the rain coming down, the streams rising, and the winds blowing and beating.

I was struck by this parable when we read it again last wednesday. Building the house on rock is not appreciated nor even meaningful without the rain and the wind. And yet, in themselves, the rain and the wind are not evil things. It says something about the relationship of good and evil and why God "allows" evil that I cannot put into words.

This blog has been a desert for the last several weeks. I have been building this blog on rock but oh where is the rain and wind?

let there be light

2006-11-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a firefly. A little boy caught it and put it in a jar. Sometimes, the firefly would fly and so the jar would be lit. But sometimes, the firefly would be still, and the jar would be dull. A scientist came by and saw the boy with the jar and said to the boy,

"Give me your penny, and I will make you a jar that will be lit forever. Its light will come from the sun itself. And you will no longer have to rely on the whims of the firefly."

You see, the scientist knew that all the worldly possessions of the boy was in that penny and in asking for the penny, he was actually asking for his world. The boy knew that the scientist was a clever person and well, what else is a boy if not foolish. So he gave the scientist the penny and the scientist gave the boy the jar of bottled sunshine.

It even came with a blueprint describing exactly, and very scientifically, how it worked. Sadly, as the boy found out, it didn't work. To quote the boy,

"The Sun Jar offers no light and will only work in complete darkness, The only way I can get my Sun Jar to give off that warm amber glow is to sit in a room with no other light source, I also tried my Sun Jar outdoors and it even struggled then, replacing the rechargeable battery with a normal one did help, but this does defeat the object.

Anyway it’s now gathering dust in my living room, and although the LED’s are a disappointment the thing still looks great as ornament."

And therein lies the moral of the story.

place Singapore

2006-11-04T17:46:00.000+08:00

We often forget how important history is. We think history lies in the past, is behind us, buried and forgotten. Not so.

Living History
We live in history. The wisdom we gather from our parents and our teachers evolved over time, from their parents and their teachers and their parents and teachers before them. The places we live in also evolved over time. Despite being a young nation still, there are many Singaporeans today who were not there when Singapore was born. And what it means to be a Singaporean is clearer today precisely because of the time that has passed. We've grown into our roles.

Raffles Hotel, Chinatown, Little India, Holland Village, Tiong Baru and many more places like them are important to us today because they were part of our past, even a past we didn't live.

Making History
And thus we make our own histories too. Changing the tone and texture of today so that tomorrow is slightly different. Things that somehow last through these changes - chye tow kueh, chee cheong fun, roti john, and singlish - despite our efforts to outgrow them, leave their imprints and we learn, yes, these things are important. Events change us and as we change, we leave behind imprints that define the future generation.

Experts think that history is made by great people - politicians, scientists and entrepreneurs - who lead and change the world. They are merely the symptoms of a greater change, of individuals who made changes to their own lives, responding to what they see of the world around them.

Knowing History
It is good then that we should be aware of and know history. We came from it and are part of it and will define it for the future. History is simply an acknowledgement that life is change and connected. Like the butterfly effect, small things - a word, the decision to say sorry - can change the course of greater matters to come.

Fifty eight students have spoken aloud about their favourite places in Singapore. Some are Singaporeans, some are not. They are all architectural students from the AR2722 Design and Environment program. Read them, vote for them. Leave your comments, leave your marks. Say hello.

Invention and discovery

2006-10-27T08:45:00.000+08:00

The line between invention and discovery is a very thin one. Particularly in our current milieu, where truth and reality are themselves uncertain notions. To me, the turning point happened at the turn of the 20th century, when two geniuses, I believe independently, discovered that we cannot separate what is really out there and what we perceive. In their own ways, they were equally influential - Einstein in the field of science, and Husserl in the fields of philosophy and the arts.

Of the two, Husserl was the elder but the impact of Einstein was, of course, more extensive. It has to do with our preoccupation with science and fantasy. The ideas of time travel and quarks are more concrete matters that engage the public's mind more easily. The impact of Husserl is, on the other hand, more subtle and perhaps more pervasive. We think differently today because of what he did but we do not realise that we owe it to him.

Despite this, however, there is a reality out there that is not of our making. The phenomenologists call it intersubjectivity. Call it what you will, but if we don't face up to this reality, global warming and other environmental disasters will soon knock us over the head.

Put simply, we need to distinguish between invention and discovery. Invention is of our making while discovery is what we can learn of God's making. How can we tell? I suggest there is this first and most simple difference. A discovery is something someone else can test for himself and find out if it is true or not. An invention is something that is true only because of the inventor.

Science is therefore a discipline of discovery while engineering is a discipline of invention. And if we compare the findings of science and what we can learn from engineering, we discover that science is always surprising while engineering is always explicable.

I want to suggest something further. Discovery, if we touch upon truth, will always reveal the divine intelligence. And this divine intelligence has certain characteristics: its laws are always simple, its consequences are always amazing, its forms are always beautiful, and while it can be appreciated by all, it is always beyond our understanding. Invention, however wonderful, can always be picked apart and understood. It is often complicated. Take for example a car, it is essentially an internal combustion engine. But there are so many other bits to it and each of the bits is there to solve a specific and particular problem. Take an animal, in contrast. On the surface, it appears simple. You can easily draw anaologies between the animal or human body and the car. But what makes an animal or a human being is not the body but the fact that they are alive. And the reason why they are alive is because they came from another living thing. The law is simple but beyond understanding. You can take this further and look at other aspects, like the fact that the living body can look after and heal itself while the car requires an external mechanic or owner to look after it. But these secondary facts stem from the primary and inexplicable fact, which is that living things are alive while machines are not. Any person with reasonable intelligence can become a mechanic, while it takes the best of us to become doctors, and we cannot even cure the common cold. Have you noticed how often the cures prescribed by our doctors require us to go home and rest? It is our bodies that do the curing, the medication only helps.

We may one day develop robots and computer programs that generate other robots and programs like itself. Do not be confused. These will be like our other inventions, poor copies of what we have discovered. Which is my final definition of the difference between discovery and invention: invention is often a pale copy of the original.

Take care of yourself, you are not an invention.

The art of growing old

2006-10-21T08:51:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a week. Our maid left and we've been doing a spot of housework. Xin's practicing hard for her show this weekend. I've got a few new things going at work. And I broke a heart. I didn't know it could still happen at my age. And as always, with me, it was the last thing I meant to do. Still, I am sure she will recover, carry on with her life. Perhaps hating me. But that cannot be helped.

Young people today don't want to get married. And I understand why. I remember my grandmother. She loved me as only grandmothers could - selflessly, patiently and caringly. She taught me about God (it doesn't matter which religion you followed, there is God and he has placed a guardian angel 8 inches above my head to look after me), about wisdom (it is better to be wise than to be anything else, and knowledge is not wisdom), and she told me the story of Solomon. I don't know if she was a Christian. She never went to church but I don't remember her being all that faithful a Taoist either. Perhaps she was a free-thinker, but perhaps she is a Christian at heart but such things were frowned upon in those days.

The most significant memory I have of her was when she lied for me. I had taken a cousin's shoe and hid it and they couldn't find it afterwards. I was accused (someone saw me) but I denied it. Truly, I had forgotten I did it. She said she did it. It was an accident, she knocked against the shoe and it fell into a drain. She made me apologise and I did. I realised, even then, that it wasn't a punishment but that she saw a nobility in me I didn't have. Noble people own up.

It's hard to explain. I too didn't want to marry when I was young. And yet, marry I did. I didn't want to have children. And yet, a father I became. I wanted to be rich and successful. I am neither, although I am not doing that badly. I realise now that it is the former that is important to God - that I marry, have a child and learn to love - not the latter. The latter is just a bonus, something to satisfy my selfish cravings and ambitions. And it is just as well that they were not satisfied.

I know love hurts. And there has been many times I wish I could do things differently. And the process of humbling us, through our failures as a parent, a spouse, a child or a lover, is perhaps the most painful of all. Why? Why does it have to hurt so much? Why are we so useless in loving the people who are so close to our hearts?

I remember my grandmother and I wonder if there were lessons from her life that she wanted to tell me. She never did. She simply encouraged me in everything I wanted to do. I wanted to paint - here is some money, buy your paint, go. I stayed out late - she waited and didn't scold. There were no questions, no recriminations, no lessons to learn. I wanted to go overseas - go. I have no money - never mind, borrow from your uncle, he will give it to you. Go do it.

I made my mistakes. Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she share her wisdom with me? Everything she taught me, I learnt before I was 8. By the time I was a teenager, it was all up to me. I was surely too young then to know so much about life. But she never told me, never taught me. She was just there. I could have gotten into bad company and taken drugs. Actually, I did. She never stopped me nor tried to save me. How did she know I will be alright?

And so today, I learnt that the greatest wisdom of all is to let go. Our children will make the mistakes we make - maybe more, maybe less. We cannot protect them, not even from the mistakes we made. They are not listening. Even the kindest advice is unwelcome nagging. The lessons I learnt are for me and all I can hope for is that I learnt them well. If I did, those I love will be stronger for it. My role is to be there. Not to teach, nor advise. But encourage and support. Mostly, though, to just be there.

It feels a lot like waiting. And as I think back about my grandmother, I realise that she was often just there. Waiting. No, waiting is not the right word. She didn't display the anxiety I feel. She was always available because she had nothing better to do. She was a housewife with servants. She didn't work - just walked around the house, not even going out for mahjong or anything like that. She had no hobbies that I can remember. She lived life more simply than I think possible. We had our own parents, and so she neither cooked for us nor looked after us.

Surely a meaningless life if ever there was one. I've wondered why it is that God wants a place in our human hearts? His law was written in stone, transcribed into a bibliotheque and translated into several languages. And yet, none of these are as precious to him as a place in our hearts. We who live but for an instant and are soon dead. It is in that very instant that God wants to enter us. Not after we are dead and have all the time in the world to appreciate his wisdom. So transient and ephemeral is our lives here, and yet, this is exactly why Jesus died and why God made the universe and moved the seas.

I remember my grandmother and I think I catch a glimpse. She continues to live in me and to teach me. And so, all I can do is to see you go with tears in my heart and love in my eyes.

Save Palmer Road

2006-10-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

I am constantly amazed by how much history still lingers in various places in Singapore and how little we Singaporeans know about these places. My current hobby horse is Palmer Road.

I did not discover Palmer Road of my own accord - I rarely do, being a rabbit and all, with my nose so often buried in the ground. I learnt about this through my work as a studio tutor and through my colleague, Dr Johannes Widodo. Unfortunately, you cannot access his paper "Preserving the Memory of Place: Case for Support for Palmer Road Area Conservation in Singapore", Journal of Asian Studies No.29 (2005) from the internet. Contact me, I'll pass you a copy. Another important paper on this matter can be downloaded from the internet: Palmer Road Foot Tet Soo Khek Temple, Archaeological Research Project Preliminary Site Report, version 1.4, 9th March 2006, by Lim Chen Sian.

I cannot do better than to quote these authors:

Tanjong Malang is one of the most important places in the history of early 19th century Singapore. It refers to the rock, where according to Munshi Abdullah, Raffles hung the body of Syed Yasin who stabbed Colonel Farquhar.
Widodo, p.2

Hmmm, anyone knows where Tanjong Malang is? It's near Tanjong Pagar. Beats me too.

Mount Palmer is not only the home of the Foot Tet Soo Khek Temple but also various historical institutions ranging from Fort Palmer, Keramat Habib Nor and the Parsee Burial Grounds of the 19th century, to those of a more recent nature, the former Singapore Polytechnic (1954, today Bestway Building) and the Chinese YMCA (c.1956, today Palmer House). Mount Palmer standing at 100 feet was the largest in the Telok Ayer group of hillocks (Map 2). It was used for fill in the second reclamation of the Telok Ayer Basin (c.1904-15), and was completely leveled save for a small knoll that still remains to the northeast and the rear of the temple. This remnant of the hill was part of the Parsee Burial Ground and purportedly the earliest tombstone was recorded to be from 1828.
Lim Chen Sian, pp 1-2

There are several Chinese Temples in Singapore of which the Foot Tet Soo Khek Temple is the second oldest. It dates back to the mid-nineteenth century. Archaeological work on the site only began in July 2005. Excavation work lasted only 17 days and 700 artefacts were found. The old Parsee burial ground was also discovered covered over with undergrowth on the southern terrace of Mount Palmer. Although exhumed before 1966, remains of the tombs still remain on the hillside.

The waliullah Habib Noh is a bona-fide saint of Singapore who foiled the British and did many miracles during his lifetime (and probably after). Though generally unnoticed, his keramat sits nobly on the hill visible each time you enter the East Coast Parkway via the Keppel Viaduct. My favourite story is this one:

" the British colonial masters. . . tried to put him in jail a number of times. However, after doing this many times, they finally gave up and left him alone. The reason? Each time he was arrested, and put in jail, he mysteriously disappeared from his cell and was seen outside walking free."

Let's save Palmer Road, ok?

are they not heroes still

2006-10-12T11:15:00.000+08:00

are they not heroes still
who lagged behind
nursing lonely
broken hearts
their bitterness spilling
in cutting and splaying words
love is rarely kind

perhaps love is only duty
sacrifices unwillingly done
and smiles lie forgotten
in unpursued dreams
while you live yours
unwittingly
leaving their lives behind

are they not heroes still
if they are unremembered
invisible like dust in corners
who sweeps them away
we see only stars and glitter
the mournful poorly meek
who blesses their kind

if they are not heroes still

My Agony Aunt

2006-10-10T08:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I forget I am just a rabbit. You know, for us rabbits, it's eat, sleep, shit and do the rabbit thing. I mean hop around, O you filthy mind.

You humans have it good - better or worse is for you to judge. So, here's my little rabbit philosophy of life. Take it as you like.

Be amazed
It is one of life's great joys to be amazed by the world we live in. You can just look at the sunset, the flowers, the butterflies and feel the joy or you can enjoy the world through another's eyes - the arts, poetry, science and architecture. Rise above the fallacy that science is man's creation - it is not, it is man's approximate understanding of God. Science used to be called the Laws of Nature, and the wonder and attraction of science was because it revealed the mind of God (who said that?). Or you can study man's cultural knowledge - feng shui, yoga, and other mystical arts. Just do not be drawn into them. Keep your distance - these arts, like science, are only man's approximate understanding. And like science, if you are drawn too close, you can cause more harm than good.

Be happy
Happiness is our natural state. Children are happy until something happens to make them unhappy. And then they are happy again. Do not think you have to seek happiness. Nor despair if you are unhappy. Know always that you can overcome and that happiness is already given to you. Nothing is so bad you cannot make it worse. So don't. Avoid making things worse. Find back the happiness that belongs to you and help those who are unhappy to find it again.

Do your best
Life is meant to be exciting and challenging. You know that. Even as everyone else tells you to settle for what you can get, you hanker for more. Until you recognise this in you, you will be unhappy and you may do reckless things just to satisfy this yearning to be the best you can be. So, make up your mind to live your life. Don't worry about satisfying your parents nor letting them down. They love you and you are already good enough - despite what they may say.

Learn to love
There are those whose love is manifested through fear for us. They focus on what can go wrong, and then fixate on it in an attempt to avoid any possibility of failure. They deserve our love more than our censure. Be patient with them, for their vexation is the tip of their iceberg. There is so much more inside. If you can, let them unburden themselves. If you can keep your course and be gentle, they will come to see things more clearly. So will you.

In all these things, you will be challenged and you will find frustration and despair companions. They are your limits. Stay within them or push them a little. They may yield just to set up camp a little further way. It is in these ways that God draws us near.

To Becca with love

2006-10-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

Dear Becca,

"But what happens when our parents keep wanting us to do well? Is love also about being satisfied?"

You ask a very good question. I can understand where you are coming from. Let me try to explain myself by painting 3 scenarios:

A father who is a successful businessman but who nurtured an ambition to become a doctor alienates his own children because his expectations were too high. As his children grew up, he tells me that none has made him happy. All disappointed him. His eldest he disowned because he married an Australian girl, his eldest daughter married a Chinese man but revealed each stage of her relationship only after it had happened, one of his sons failed all his exams and tried to commit suicide.

Another father is currently facing bankruptcy. Because of his difficulties, he nags his children. When his daughter failed her exam, he nagged her for a whole day. And then went to her school and confronted her teacher to try to do something about it.

A mother spends her life shuttling her only daughter everywhere - to school, to ballet, and so on. She compares her daughter with other children and tells her that she is sacrificing her life for her.

These stories are not uncommon and I am sure there are many more out there. You see, the tragedy is that while we do love one another, we don't know how to show this love. Believe me, should anything happen to any of these children, their parents will move heaven and earth to make it right again. Understand always, that the pressure you are going through comes from the love your parents feel for you. It also comes from one other simple fact: we parents cannot give you what we think you deserve, and we are scared as hell that you will not achieve what we think you should. We want a lot because we love you. And we pressure you because we are human, and are afraid for you.

The answer, dear Becca, is for you to be strong. Tell your parents that you are doing the best you can. Tell them you share their worries and understand where they are coming from. Thank them for worrying about you and tell them you love them. Reassure them just as they have reassured you when you were hurt or in pain. Trust me, they love you more than you will ever know. And you don't have to do anything to earn this love.

Yes, parents over-react. The only difference for me is that I tell my daughter to expect it. That it is not her that is to blame but me. But my unreasonableness is because my love for her is unreasonable. I do not believe I should restrain my love for her. But I do understand that it can be overwhelming. I try to help her handle that by explaining why it is so.

Sadly, not many parents understand this. Rather, they mistake your anguish for disobedience. Your need for space for lack of interest in your studies. Your unhappiness for a lack of concern for your own future.

It is rare that parents don't love their children wholeheartedly. It is rare that children don't try their best to please their parents. If only we understand this and accept our human unability to express our love well. I met a sales lady who took her children to see a psychologist because she felt her children were too happy about their bad grades. I told her if her children are unhappy, she better worry because they probably need psychiatric help. Children are by nature happy, and will avoid doing things that make them unhappy. That's why they don't want to study. They don't want to study not because they don't care but because they do care. They care about their parents opinion but they feel that they cannot satisfy the parents, and so they don't try. They think they are failures because their parents think they are failures. So, they naturally look for other things they can do well and they find happiness there. Help them. When they do well, they will like their studies more and will work harder. There was nothing wrong with her children. What was wrong was that the children did not find schoolwork enjoyable. And if they were doing badly, scolding them will make them like schoolwork less. Whenever Xin finds her schoolwork difficult, I will tell her to try studying another way - borrow a book from the library, or search out the internet. There are many many books out there that teaches any subject in an interesting way and makes it easy to understand and enjoy. Enjoy it and you will do well. (As an aside, whenever Xin does not do well, she diverts my nagging by saying that she feels worse than I do and my nagging will not help.)

Hang in there, Becca. We are here for you. You can be strong. Understand that your parents need you to be strong. Show them, tell them. I assure you that you are good enough and they do not expect more from you than what you want for yourself. Probably less, actually. Most people I know have high ambitions. If only their parents know this.

Love, brownpanda.
PS: What has "Till we have faces" to do with rationalizing God? I haven't read the book but from the reviews, I think it is probably too chim for me.
PPS: I'm not a big fan of Narnia. Only his explanations on Christianity, esp. Mere Christianity.

God, within reason

2006-10-07T15:03:00.001+08:00

Or "What I believe and why."

I had originally planned to go through a series of blasphemies before addressing why I am a Christian, but events seem to have overtaken my plans. So what? What fun is there in following plans?

But the main reason why I am doing this is because I don't think that God meant 'religion' to be so mysterious and difficult. I think Jesus came here to show us that God meant to be close and real and everyday. The amazing thing, as any alchemist will tell you, is that the everyday is the most mysterious and hardest to understand of all. We have no cure for the common cold, we have no way to predict when and if it will rain, we cannot even define what is life satisfactorily. In a more personal and relevant sense, we know what we want in life but we don't know how to live it. We live to love but we don't know how (to love). A true and wise saying I came across puts it thus: Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

This very difficulty with life, and with all aspects of life, is what convinces me that God must be. You see, difficult as it is, it is not easier the smarter you are, or the richer you are, or the stronger you are. Often, it is as if the foolish, the poor and the weak are the ones who are blessed and who can live their lives simply and fully. Take for example, music. We can all enjoy it and it is not those with the most intelligence or who does best in school who ends up as Kit Chan or Taufig. And yet, the greatest professors in the world cannot analyse nor decipher what makes a nursery rhyme works, let alone a symphony. This is why, when we find out something new or great, whether it is an invention, a story or a discovery, we are eager to share it. Because it is beautiful and amazing. And we are moved. We are happy. I think, through this, we have touched God - or more likely, vice versa.

This is very much like the intelligent design argument. With a small difference. I call my argument the divine intelligence argument. It is not so much that I believe this world must have been designed by an intelligent 'mind' but that the intelligence so revealed, revealed thus far, points to a 'mind' so profound that it is simply amazing and beautiful. It is an intelligence that can create a universe from a bang, music from a sine wave, and rule the world with strict order and yet reveal a chaos of even more beautiful order - an order defined by its own order or, if you like, a pattern made up of its own pattern. It is an intelligence that created a world in which its beauty and wonder can be enjoyed by even the smallest mind but beyond the understanding of the greatest.

To reason with God, and to find him constantly beyond our reason is, I believe, the whole point of our existence. It is not enough to accept life as it is, we are to strive for better things, to work and endeavour. To get closer to Him. And yet, it is not right to confine life to just what we can understand of it. We need to embrace the irrational, the unexpected and the inexplicable. It is through this that we see the majesty and mystery of God.

God is beyond our reasoning, yes, and yet if we cannot embrace him we have missed the purpose of our existence. Do not live with a version of God that you cannot understand, unless your lack of understanding comes from knowing him too well - as you might your parents, your children, your spouse and your loved ones. Neither should you define God and say he is this or that and not this nor that. Abide with him.

This is not as difficult as it might sound. Live your life. Seek love and give with love. Be the best you can be in all things. Enjoy your successes, and appreciate the beauty around you. Cry over your failures and disappointments. But arise from the ashes. Know deep in your heart there is God and he is with you. Hold tight to that thought and you will keep to the path. If you wander, come back. There is forgiveness and acceptance.

If you are smart, it is because you have been fortunate to be born that way, to have parents who care, and to go to the right school and be in the right circumstances. If your parents expect a lot from you, it is because they love you and for them, nothing is too good for you. Even if you have the world, they will want you to have more. Always remember this. If you are not so smart, should they be angry and expect you to work harder? Or, if you are even smarter, should they be satisfied and let you take life easy?

I have often wished that bosses will not ask if you are good enough but what you are good at. Ask the first question and you will find few who satisfies. Ask the second question and you open up a new universe of possibilities. So, ask.

Understanding God

2006-10-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

"Holy Communion is the shortest and safest way to Heaven." Saint Pope Pius X

A good and wise friend once said he wasn't a Christian because he doesn't understand the Holy Trinity and all the complicated concepts Christians believe in. The argument is that if he, a scholar and an engineer, doesn't understand God, what hope do the more simple folk have?

I totally agree. God is not so hard to understand. There are many believers who are faithful and pious who are also simple people - mothers, fathers, children, friends. Lovers all. Why then is our religion so complex? I'm always heedful that Jesus often had harsh words for the Sadducees, Pharisees, Levites and the teachers of the Law.

A sure sign of truth, and which to me, points to God is simplicity. We are asked simply to love God and to love one another. What could be simpler? We yearn for love, to love and to be loved, and everything we are, everything we do reflects this truth.

And yet. . .God amazes us with beauty. Kant argues that beauty is universal, in that "it is an intrinsic part of the activity of such a judgment to expect others to agree with us." When we see something beautiful, like a rainbow, we point to it and say something like, "Look, a rainbow. Isn't it beautiful?" We normally wouldn't expect the person we're talking with to argue with us about it, or ask us to prove its beauty. Disagree, perhaps, but debate, no.

Like Einstein's Theory of Relativity. If he didn't reduce it to E=mc2, it wouldn't have the power of truth. It may be true, but it will lack its power. It's like music. Anyone not tone deaf can enjoy music. I even know of someone tone deaf who "sings" tonelessly but in rhythm. It was a delight to listen to - an exquisite form of rap. A babe in arms enjoys music. Heck, a foetus learns through music.

Mr A would like me to cite my references. But my aim is not to debate nor convince. Simply to share my amazement. We can all enjoy music but who amongst us can explain it? In the presence of wonder, we can only praise and celebrate. This I have tried to do.

I agree with the little people who say we should just obey and have faith. Absolutely. God demands nothing more. Nor less. And yet, he loves to amaze us. And turn our hearts with his wonders and his love. There is so much beauty in him that I cannot be but moved. I seek only to share this. And I worry that I have failed.

If I have something profound to say, it is this: be happy and know, there is God. Rejoice, for God loves us in our weakness, ignorance and foolishness. If Jesus expects us to forgive seventy times seven times, how much deeper is God's grace. I seek not to be clever but I hope I have been intelligent. For cleverness comes from God and intelligence lies in acknowledging him.

If I have given the impression that I am an intellectual, I am sorry. Love is anything but intellectual. And all I have shared, I hope mainly to have shared my love. The impression I want to leave is: Wow, isn't life great? Isn't the world beautiful? Isn't it wonderful to be in love? Everything else is secondary. Getting As, making money, the five Cs (unless you are talking about coffee, chocolates, cookies, cakes and [ice] cream), all these are not important. They are the fragrance of the flowers, not even the flowers, less still the path itself.

Someone once said that he doesn't want to become a Christian because sin is too much fun. No, I am not referring to St Augustine. But, the point is, God wants only fun for us. Anything that leads you away from happiness leads you away from God, and I don't mean the complex Christian concept of joy that surpasses all understanding. I mean sheer simple childish joy - the happiness of being alive.

I only seek to share my joy. *sigh* It seems that those who thought they didn't understand me understood me best.

Symbiosis

2006-09-30T09:05:00.000+08:00

Imagine space. Now imagine an object. Most of us can imagine space without objects but cannot imagine an object without space. Yet, the Big Bang theory tells us that the expanding universe is defined by the objects within it. In other words, in our reality, space is the distance between objects and that objects come first.

Symbiosis is not the interdependence between objects but their unity. God is both object and space and neither object nor space. The ancients call this state spirit. Spirit exists both as being as well as in objects. In other words, the evidence for God is everywhere.

...this page is work in progress. Keep coming back.

good and Devil

2006-09-29T10:34:00.000+08:00

HAH! So you think I finish already. No way, hosay. Only half the story. The other half is the devil. When you ask a Christian where the devil comes from, he will tell you this story: how God made the angels, and Lucifer was the anointed one, most perfect and most beautiful. Then he - Lucifer, not God, so stupid - got too proud and wanted to be God also. So kena punish. Something like that. But, I tell you, I read the Bible backwards and forwards, inside and outside (look at cover, mah), still cannot find this story. This Ezekiel 28, actually for King of Tyre one. Never use the word devil, or satan or Lucifer at all. Christians will say, read between the lines. Aiyah, only paper between the lines. God want to say something, say to my face. Why must read between the lines?

And then, go back to story of Adam and Eve. Satan come and tempt Eve. You think never have God's permission? I think God send him, ok. You look, everywhere Satan appear, God knows already. Like in Job, God take bet with Satan, right? Conspiracy theory. Even Jesus says "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." So God makes you sick to glorify himself. Ok-lah, joke.

I tell you, from what I read in the Bible, everything the Devil do, God already knows and accept. So, why like this? I tell you. Use equation:

Good (Innocent) = Baby
Good >> Evil = Hero

In this world, there are only two kinds of people we all love (and I think God loves also): the baby and the hero. That's why Jesus bless all the meek and weary and mournful and so on. They are like babies, suffering and innocent. But if you want to grow up, know good and evil, then you must become hero. Where got hero never overcome evil, I ask you? Anywhere you find story about hero, surely fight with the devil. Don't need Bible. Any story in the world you look see got hero, hundred percent fight devil.

This is what Jesus means-lah. You must fight devil. Kick ass. You become hero, you are salt and light. You tell people only Christians go to heaven, other people go to hell, this kind of salt give me also I don't want. You tell me Jesus die for me, this kind of light who wants to see? You fight devil, become hero, everybody wants to be like you. Long long ago, during Roman times, Christians die eaten by lions. Not scared. Heroes, right? Like this only can convert Roman emperor. You think Roman emperor converted by preaching, meh?

This Jesus, big time hero. Not only protect the poor and weak, even his enemies, he protect. Other people, if you harm them, they harm you back ten times more. Jesus accept and ask God to forgive you. My kind of hero. You want to be Christian, be kick ass hero. Don't go around condemning other people, or pretend like you poor sinner like every one else. You already saved, got God on your side. Go kick some ass. Become hero. Then you are light of the world and salt of the earth.

No need to be so complicated. You already know, in this life, you want to be hero. To become hero, you must overcome evil-lah. No other way. Don't complain why the world so bad, or why the devil come and tempt you, or why life so difficult. You don't like, be like baby. Be innocent and humble. God loves you anyway. No need to fight. You want to fight, fight the devil. Don't fight other people, they struggling just like you. Don't know why we need Jesus to come tell us this.

So, I think this Satan, ha, poor thing, you know. Get kicked so much by God and all his heroes. So, I think, this Satan, only follow God's plan, right? Not his fault. Without him, how you can become hero? So actually, the devil good, right?

God and evil

2006-09-27T10:43:00.000+08:00

You know, ha, this Bible, really interesting to read. Got so many stories - miracles, violence, murder, everything also got. But I tell you, God I don't understand. Really something else one.

Firstly, you got Adam and Eve, right? God tell them, "Don't eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil". I mean, if you don't want me to eat something, don't put it in the garden-lah. Crazy, right? Then send the snake to come and tempt us somemore. It's like asking a child not to jump from the cliff and then take him there to see how beautiful it is, and then leave him alone there. He going to jump or not? Surely jump. I mean, common sense what. You don't want me to do something, put it somewhere else-lah. Don't put in my face. Like, I am sure in heaven God got sit on beautiful golden throne. Of course cannot touch one, right? But in heaven, right? I am on earth. How to touch? Cannot, correct? So simple.

Or Job. Don't know why, God lets the Devil test Job. Just to bet. Hey, gambling bad, ok? First take away all his property and then kill all his children. And this is only the first test, ok. And then, not enough, put him in leprosy also. Wah, chia lat. Still not enough, send his wife and friends to test him somemore. OK, finally Job passes the test and got back more than he lost. But-hey, children already dead, ok? You think so easy to replace one child with another, meh? This God, like got no feelings one.

Got even worse things. Maybe not worse but pretty terrible also. Drown everyone in the Great Flood (except for Noah and his family and all the animals two by two). Then turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt. Wah liao, look also cannot. Aiyah, city burning to hell and you cannot even turn around to look. Who can resist, I tell you? And then, ask Saul to kill all the children and women. Not only that even the cows and sheep, camels and donkeys, ok? And then, in Egypt, first God make the Pharoah hard hearted and then send ten plagues upon Egypt. Ten, ok? Plagues, ok? Not some small thing like common cold. Oi, Pharoah the one hard hearted, not Egyptian citizens. Why must plague everyone, I ask you?

But people are people, right? Where got perfect one? Sin all the time. So then finally, send his own son, HIS OWN SON some more, to come down and save us. So guess what happened. He get betrayed, beaten up, mocked, stabbed and hung on the cross. Crucified, ok? Nails on the hands and feet. Crown of thorns. Wah, tragic. This Jesus, when he is here, don't even have roof over his head. Not even recognised by the people he came to save. So, he come here, suffer and die. For what? To forgive our sins. Make me feel so guilty, right? My sins, punish me-lah. Why punish your own son?

Very strange, right? Adam commit sin, punish everyone. Jesus die, forgive everyone. Why not punish Adam for his sins, punish me for mine. Jesus, not guilty, no need to punish-lor. Where got meaning.

I tell you, ha, this God really something else. Sibeh tahan. So evil, right?

confessions of a conflicted christian #3

2006-09-25T18:46:00.000+08:00

Blasphemy: Did Jesus exist?

It is difficult as a Christian to consider the possibility that Jesus might not have really existed [1,2]. But the story of Jesus is one that is almost designed not to be recorded in history. You might even say that Jesus seemed to have done everything he could not to be historically remembered. As noted before, he didn't write anything down (if he did, surely his apostles would have preserved it). His birth is as anonymous as it is possible to be. And of course, his death left no trace, since he was resurrected and rose to heaven physically.

Yet, as every Christian knows, Jesus said that "heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Just what did he mean? Clearly not what we humans understand - for if he meant by 'my words' what we call the Bible, why didn't he just write the gospel and be done with it? After all, God took the trouble to write the 10 commandments.

By almost any reasoning, he ought not to be even remembered, let alone revered - he was from humble beginnings, he ended his life as a criminal, his followers were uneducated and mostly disorganised, and he left precious little evidence that we can fall back on reliably as historical fact. His concept of saving us had little to do with what the Jews imagined and little to do with what we want when we pray to him. And yet, he exists, and is revered.

Are we Christians mad?

Apologia
And yet I count myself a believer. Certainly not on the basis of historical evidence. I believe because he told the truth and no one before or after has been able to improve on his truth. This is a strange testimony, because it amounts to saying that I believe in him because I believe him.
[I realise that my apologias are lame, to say the least. In a way, I have no direct answers to these blasphemies. So, I will go through all the blasphemies before giving my response - which, I might as well warn you, is not an intellectual rebuttal. I shall leave the reader to decide, when I do apologise, if it is intelligent - :) ]

Why?

2006-09-22T10:48:00.000+08:00

I've always pondered over the oddness of the expulsion of Adam and Eve. They were expelled because they disobeyed God and ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Until then, I guess, they were innocent - not knowing the difference between good and evil. Does this mean then that they were incapable of evil? If so, was their disobedience 'evil' then, in a sense? It was obviously not 'good' or God wouldn't have punished them.

Also, I may be somewhat pedantic here, but the use of the word 'knowledge' is also intriguing. Is knowledge dangerous? Does God prefer us not to know? Historically, at least, in the early days of Christianity (esp. the Middle Ages), knowledge was considered dangerous and only churches and monasteries had libraries. Universities began in monasteries. The average Christian was 'forbidden' access to knowledge. There were many instances, even recently, of books being burned for heresy. Except that today, we mostly ban them.

We do say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And sometimes, we may argue that some arguments are wrong because they contain imperfect knowledge or are incomplete. But, all human knowledge are imperfect and incomplete. Descartes is famous for his (to me, rather comical and disastrous) attempt to found human knowledge on doubt. So, if we cannot know anything perfectly, are we better off keeping our state of innocence?

But knowledge is one of our greatest achievements. A child, almost as soon he or she is able to speak, asks, "Why?". We are naturally curious (about life, about one another*, about almost anything) and most parents encourage their children to study and to learn. Our ability to learn, to develop knowledge, is perhaps the single most important reason why we are where we are today - with our technology, science and great art.

There is a great lesson to be learnt in the story of Adam and Eve. As with much of the first part of Genesis, I see this story as myth. Myth is not necessarily just a story that is not true - even though that is how we see it today. For me, myth is a way of capturing certain truths. It is a way we little understand today (because we are so blinded by the concept of scientific truth). But I do know this: myths capture truths in a way that is both profound and memorable. And I see a profound truth in the story of Adam and Eve: about knowledge, good and evil, and the human condition. Read the story again.

_____________________________
*Isn't gossip simply irresistable?

confessions of a conflicted christian #2

2006-09-21T07:39:00.000+08:00

Blasphemy: The Bible is man's work, not God's Word.
Well, in a physical way, that's true. Except for the 10 commandments, everything else in the Bible is acknowledged, even by Christians, to be written by men - from Moses for Genesis to David for Psalms to Paul for much of the New Testament.

The Bible as we know it today comprises 66 books written over several millenia. The first official collection of the Bible occured in the 4th Century AD and was amended again just a few decades later. The history of the Bible is long and varied:

Wikipedia puts it succinctly:

Many people who identify themselves as Christians, Muslims, or Jews regard the Bible as inspired by God yet written by a variety of imperfect men over thousands of years.

Note the phrase "written by a variety of imperfect men" - consider what that implies.

But Christians aren't saying that God physically wrote the Bible himself, simply that He guided every word. There are several problems with this claim:
1. We share the Old Testament with the Jews. If the Bible is really the Word of God and to be taken literally, as many Christian advocates will have you do, then this commonality with the Torah is a problem. Are we simply 'modern' Jews - i.e. Jews but slightly different? Or are we radically different? If so, how so? Simply saying that we believe in Jesus while Jews don't doesn't tell us anything. So what if Jesus is the son of God? Do we therefore throw away the Torah? If not, why not? What is the radical difference?
2. Jesus never wrote anything down. This ought to be a real shocker. If God really did come down as Jesus and if everything he wanted to tell us is in the Bible, why doesn't he just rewrite the Bible as it ought to be written? At least the Quran is a transcript of what Muhammad taught - word for word, in the original language that the Prophet used.
3. There are many books inspired by God. Even if we ignore the many holy books of the different religions, there are many, many books written by Christians since the beginning of Christianity that are professed to be inspiration from God. Of late, for example, there is the Gospel of Judas:

So, which ones do you believe? On the church's authority? Which church?
4. When Jesus came, many of his harshest comments were directed at the teachers of the Law. To quote Luke 20:46-47:

"Beware of the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely."

Or Matthew 5:20:

"For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven."

So, what do you believe? And why? How can you be better than your pastor? How can you be more holy than your priest?

Apologia:
So, I have my doubts about the inerrancy of the Bible. And yet, it contains the story of Jesus. Can his story be made up? I may not believe the Bible and I do believe in Jesus. This will seem strange but I will explain more in future blogs.

what kind of love

2006-09-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

what kind of love is this
that gave itself for me
i am the guilty one
yet i go free

what kind of love is this
a love i never knew
i didn't even know his name
what kind of love is this

When you read about the coming of Jesus in the Old Testament and imagine what you might have expected Jesus to be like, you would have imagined some great king, a warrior who will come and rule the world. As a Jew, you would have thought of the great Jewish kings like David or Solomon, or the deeds of Moses or Joseph (who rose to great power in Egypt). I have tried to put myself in the mind of a Jew then and I think, I too will probably reject Jesus as the promised saviour.

what kind of man is this
who died in agony
he who has done no wrong
was crucified for me

what kind of man is this
who laid aside his throne
that i might know the love of God
what kind of man is this

Jesus surprised us in the way the Word was fulfilled. He was born of humble beginnings, out of wedlock, a poor carpenter's son. When he rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, many Jews were probably offended. How could their saviour be this vagrant on a donkey? Was he mocking them? Indeed, Jesus said a lot to rebuke the Jews and their ways.

by grace i have been saved
it is a gift of God
a destiny to be his child
such is his love

no eyes has ever seen
no ears has ever heard
nor has the heart of man conceive
what kind of love is this

The greatest Christian I have ever known risked his own salvation out of his duty (love, respect, call it what you will) to his father. He was convicted of Christ but because his father objected, he delayed his baptism until his father died. Jesus suffered and died for us on the cross, but Jesus knew who he was and where he was going. Mr James Saw knew none of these things, only that he will be a Christian but not at the cost of upsetting his father. He resolved to do what no pastor will encourage you to do, and indeed, in the times that he lived in, many, many years ago, it is not uncommon to be threatened with eternal condemnation for various sins.

If I were to tell you that the Bible is man's work, not God's word. If I were to tell you that there is doubt that Jesus even existed. Or that if he did, he might have gotten married and had children. If I were to say that science disproves everything that is written in the Bible and that morality is simply an evolutionary trait for survival. And finally, if I were to then say that I firmly believe that God will save all who is good in his eyes and that you will get no special favours simply because you are a Christian. Will you still believe? And if so, what will you believe? And why?

Or will you simply call me a liar and believe anyway?

[Remember, Jesus surprised us all when he came. And he warned us many times to expect the unexpected.]

The fear of joy

2006-09-15T13:14:00.000+08:00

Why are we afraid of joy? Life seems to be all about doing the right thing, working hard, making a living and so on. Is joy a luxury? Even when it comes to finding someone to love, it seems so hard. Half of every marriage in the Western world ends in divorce. In Singapore, it is one in four. In Singapore, we worry about grades - as a student, it is the grades of exams; as an adult, it is about making the grade (to get that promotion or even keeping the job we have). Joy seems a scarce commodity.

Beware the joy of the adrenalin rush. That is putting the cart before the horse. And what happens is that the horse cannot see where it is going. It is joy that should be giving us the rush, not the rush that gives us the adrenalin 'joy'. This kind of joy - the joy of the ferris wheel, the merry-go-round, or the rollercoaster (or whatever modern rush we invent) - is not good because it does not sustain you. And worse, it does not edify.

The right kind of joy are the joys you are born to seek: the joy of loving and the joy of learning. We love babies and babies are happiest when they get loving attention or when they are learning about their environment (which fortunately, they learn about through play). And this joy is wonderful because it makes life meaningful and worth living - it sustains and edifies you. Every one of us knows the power of love. Those of us lucky enough to receive it, from our parents, friends and lovers, know that it gives us strength to face the world and inspires us to make the most of our lives. Those of us who don't receive it are listless and careless and yearns for love, any kind of love. We may find ways around the lack of love in our lives but each adaptation makes us harder, more cynical and less generous. And if you will only acknowledge it, your life is centred around the seeking of this joy of love.

But there is also the joy of learning. Anything at all can be a learning opportunity, such is our capacity for this joy. For me, the greatest joy of learning is found in what is taught in school - in the arts and in science (which includes mathematics). It such a pity that the educational system is such an obstacle to this joy, so that only those with nothing to lose (especially those from places without formal education) can appreciate the joy of learning. Those of us, for whom education is a meal ticket, or a measure of our worth (see your sister, she has scored 9 A1's), we are frightened off learning. If only teachers in schools start their classes with this: "Listen to me, and I will tell you the secrets of the universe, how the stars came to be and of lands faraway. I will tell you of times of old, of kings and queens and the battles fought, of things you cannot see and of things that we cannot even imagine. I will tell you of futures to come, of impossible inventions and why we are the way we are today. I have so much to tell you that 1001 of us cannot finish telling you in 1001 years of 1001 nights."

Wouldn't you want to just sit down and listen? And learn? But this is what we are being taught - science and literature and history and geography and mathematics and more. And yet, where is the magic? Where is the learning? Why are the students not open mouthed and bright eyed?

This is my tribute (and hope) for a coffee shop, and here then are some gateways:

Breaching the physical

2006-09-14T07:52:00.000+08:00

We have just been discussing the impact of email and handphones on our lives. What used to take days and were at the fringes of our normal lives - writing letters and using the telephone - are now accomplished in minutes, if not seconds. But the effect is that things that used to take up only a bit of your time now takes up much of your time even though they take less time to do.

All this has to do with the virtual world of the computer, of course. There was a time when we had this gloomy image of people in small dark rooms clicking away at their computer, sitting in a chair rigged with all kinds of sensory stimulants so that the computer experience is connected with all your senses. Well, Michael Crichton has just released his new book (coming out in November) about the future. . .wait for it, today:

"Could your loved one be missing some body parts? Are blondes becoming extinct? Is everyone at your dinner table of the same species? It's 2006: do you know who all your children are? Do you know humans and chimpanzees differ in only 400 genes? Do you want to design your own pet? Change the stripes on the fish in your aquarium? Or sell your eggs and sperm online for thousands of dollars? Did you know one fifth of all your genes are owned by someone else? Come to think of it, could you and your family be pursued cross country just because you happen to have certain genes in your body?

This is not just the world of the future-it's the world right now! Most of the events in this book have already happened. And the rest are just around the corner.

Get used to it. "

*gulp*

You know, we get so excited by the advances we make. We forget that the humble single living cell, which absorbs chemicals from its environment and grows and reproduces itself, and which then took billions of years to evolve into what we are today, is still beyond our technology. When nature rages, with tsunamis, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions (no, wait, even the humble forest fire), all we can do is to wait it out and run for shelter if we can.

The problem with the mind is that it can be so amazed by itself, it forgets the wonders of the physical world in which it resides. Permit me therefore to introduce to you ecological art:

Grace and amazement

2006-09-13T08:02:00.000+08:00

It would seem, going by the comments I have received, that there are two kinds of believers - those who believe because of proof, and those who believe because of faith. I don't know if I fall into either camp. I believe because it feels right. I believe because I am amazed by God's work.

Take for example the laws of science and chaos. By right, chaos should not exist. The basic laws of science can be counted on one hand (almost). The three laws of Newton are so simple they are almost ludicrous: things don't move unless you push them, when you push them they move faster the harder you push, and finally, they push back with an equal force. Most importantly, the laws of science are universal - there is no exception.

Arctic Lights (Aurora borealis)

Consider the weather. The snow in winter, rain in the tropics, typhoons and the arctic lights are all the result of 4 simple facts: the earth orbits around the sun, the earth rotates around its axis, the earth's rotation is tilted and the earth's surface has a land mass, a water mass and an atmosphere. Based simply on these facts and the various laws of physics, we get all the climates of the world. Not only this, the weather is so variable we cannot predict accurately when it might rain, or when typhoons might occur, or the amount of cloud cover for any particular day. This is because, despite the fact that nature follows the laws of science utterly, there is still chaos. Well, we now know that chaos is not chaos as we understand the concept but a higher form of order.

Fractals

I am simply amazed.

It seems to me that this is how God intends it. There exists several arguments that try to prove that God exists, of which perhaps the most famous and most frequently plagiarized and doctored is Thomas Aquinas' five proofs. None of these proofs are found in the Bible itself. In the Bible, God reveals himself and we (ok, not me or you, but the people in the Bible) are generally amazed. I found about 90 references to the word amaze or amazing or amazement in the NIV Bible at BibleGateway.com but I will suggest that if you simply open up the Bible on any page, you are likely to read about something in which God did something and the effect of that something is to amaze us. It is no accident that we talk about amazing grace and use the word so frequently in our worship.

Let me take this further. I think, in most of the important decisions in our lives, we decide emotionally. We select the career we most like, not the one we are most suited for. We marry the spouse we most love, not the one we are most compatible with. We eat the food we most enjoy, not the ones that are most good for us. We choose our friends because we like them not because we are most like them. Modern society will have us do this rationally - marry the one most compatible to you (there will be none), do the job you can do best (well, this is not always the one you like the most), and eat only the food that is good for you (and hate the very act to eating). I say not. We are meant to live our lives emotionally: to find happiness, to be touched by tragedy and sadness, to be angered by injustice, to be drawn to beauty and to be amazed by God.

Modern society separates logic from emotion and discards the latter as being unreliable. On the contrary, our emotions are our most important guide to what is right or wrong for us. We ignore them to our peril. Do not be misled by science - there is only so much we can figure out (and we still have not figured out the cure for the common cold). Treasure and listen to your emotions - they are your best guides to what is right or wrong. But listen carefully, don't do things impulsively. Use your head - God made you a logical and thinking being too. Life is a complete and unified thing - it is not either/or, it is both/and.

And yes, I believe because I am amazed.

God and the Big Bang

2006-09-12T10:52:00.000+08:00

There are, in the Internet, several websites that debate the issue of creation according to the Bible versus the theory of evolution (which includes the Big Bang). I don't know, but it seems to me that if you look at how the Big Bang is supposed to work, it supports the notion that there is God.

The Big Bang Theory

Of course, when you come down to it, there is no absolute proof of God. Actually, there is no absolute proof of anything - for example, the existence of electrons cannot be proven, even though we can experience electric shocks and so on (electricity is the movement of electrons, remember?).

Consider the Big Bang, then. We do not know really what exists before the Big Bang. Was there something that can be banged, as it were? Or did the Big Bang create things (i.e. energy was converted into mass)? Or was it simply a pendulum thing - energy to mass and then mass to energy - from the Big Bang to the Big Black Hole and then back again. For the sake of argument then, let's ignore the question of what existed before the Big Bang and start just with the Big Bang. Just keep to what science is reasonably accepting as likely. The thing is, everything we have today, life on earth, the universe, all the laws of nature, etc. all unravelled from the Big Bang. God just made the Big Bang and that was it. The universe was created, the conditions evolved to create earth and then, over time, life and then you and I. God made the Big Bang and then sat back and everything else was made from that. You try it. Go bang something up and see if anything of any sense, value or even interest results.

What interests me is not that evolution disputes the theory of creationism but that the Bible had the sequence of events right - from nothing to day and night to the plants, then the fishes, then the birds, then animals and then man. In this, the Bible and the theory of evolution is in line. Note that not all theories of human evolution are in line with science - some said we were from a turtle, or some god/goddess vomitted us out, and what not. Only the Bible said that God made the earth and in this particular order.

Don't you think this is an incredible thing to do for a story that is over 5000 years old?

I look forward to the various discoveries of science that disprove (or prove) the Bible. It will help us know what to believe and what not to believe. It will also help us to understand how to read the Bible. Why are we afraid of the truth? If our God is the God of truth, then surely whatever truth we discover, we shall see the work of God in it. Let us be honest before God - that which we don't understand, let us confess our ignorance. It is far better than to attest to things we cannot possibly know.

The sound of magic

2006-09-12T09:36:00.000+08:00

Most of us appreciate and marvel at the power of music - its ability to transcend words, culture and time. I too love music deeply. But what truly amazes me is sound itself.

I know I am speaking to science afficiondos here, so I will just touch on the main points. All sound, and I do want to emphasize ALL sound, can be reduced to simple sine waves. And, there are only about 20,000 of them that we can hear. The lowest frequency is about 20 Hz and the highest about 20 kHz - 20/20 just as in perfect eyesight (cool, huh?).

A Sine Wave

These 20 thousand sine waves combine in various ways to give us all, I repeat, ALL the sounds we hear. It doesn't matter what we use to make these sounds - as long as it can be made to vibrate the air accurately. One of the best materials for this is. . .paper! In fact, nearly all the loudspeakers in the world are made from this material.

A Complex Sound Wave

Just think, all the sounds, noise or music, that we love or hate, that irritate us or inspire us, that drive us to tears or to war, every tick, crick, crackle, whoosh and whisper are made from these 20 thousand sine waves. We can tell from the sound of it if the speaker is man or woman, angry or sad, young or old. We can differentiate between individuals, even when they speak together. We can tell the difference between several people saying the same thing and one person speaking loudly. Even with instruments, we can tell the difference between a group of violins and a single violin amplified. Some can tell the difference between a Steinway and a Yamaha grand piano (I can't). And yet, every Steinway, no, every piano sounds different.

The Sound Waves of Different Instruments

The quality of each sound depends on the material. For example, wood instruments sound different from the brasses because of the material from which they are made. The shape and size of the instrument also make a difference. No one instrument can faithfully reproduce the sound of another. Animals can't talk like us and yet we can tell if it's a cat or a bird, if it's angry or sad, and for some, what kind of cat or bird. And yet, as I said earlier, you can capture all these sounds and reproduce them with a piece of paper.

Now, how can you say there is no God?

Hearing the word of God...

2006-09-11T06:23:00.000+08:00

The inspiration of God is a fearful thing. I have so many stories of people who followed what they think was the word of God and did what they thought was God's work which turned out differently from what you might expect.

This then is a guide for you who has heard His word:
1. God made the world and for the most part it is ordinary. We humans yearn for the extraordinary and often think that if it is extraordinary, it is God's work. In the ordinary, there is a wonderful simplicity and balance. Watch the imbalances, they may spin you away from God's path.
2. God is noted for taking his time. Throughout the Bible, from the time of Abraham to the Second Coming, God has been slower than we expected. Sometimes, his revelation is just part of our learning, not for our doing. I learnt this early in my Christian days. Readers will know of my conflicts and blasphemies. When I first realized these thoughts, I wanted to share them but it turned out that they are for my learning. Even now, I share these thoughts with caution - perhaps even now the time is not ripe (and we should not mislead others in our confusion.).
3. The first command is to love God and love one another - and that the two are the same. Too many times, those who have heard God's word throw caution to the winds and jump straight in, with dire consequences. To learn to depend on God does not mean that you stop taking care of yourself and all around you. Moses, and others, resisted God's calling. Still others, like Abraham, persuaded God from His 'intended' course. I think this too is part of His plan. God made us thinking creatures and I think he takes pleasure in our thoughts and our views. Relationship with God, in the Bible, is always a two-way thing. Jesus always asked us to ask from God and to plead with Him. Jesus himself tried to divert his own destiny. The church may teach obedience, but let that not be blind obedience.
4. There is a New Testament to the Old Testament. Jesus loved us in a way that best translates God's love. Be grounded in the love that Jesus taught rather than in the power and majesty of miracles. Worse still, miracles you may have imagined.
5. When Jesus came, he rebuked the most those who were teachers of the Law. In the hands (and minds) of man, the simplicity of God that frees us easily becomes the complication and ambitions that bind and blind us. The 10 commandments of Moses and the over 600 laws of deuteronomy were not only critiqued by Jesus but fulfilled by a single command. And that single command draws us back to what we already know. When God separated the sheep from the goats, the criteria was not the greatness of the deeds done but the dedication to the ordinary and everyday needs.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Walk with God but seek ye first His wisdom and His understanding. God seeks to bring rest to your souls, not to make you weary and burdened. Beware that which leads you from His rest.

The mountain and the city

2006-09-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

We attended Chris Bowater's Worship Weekend yesterday. As usual, when there is singing, I had a good time. We ended with one of my favourite hymns:

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the world Thy Hands hath made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

In his sermon, Chris talked about the event of the transfiguration of Jesus at the mountaintop. Moses and Elijah were there and the apostles who were there were so amazed, they fell on their faces. But then, Chris went on, they had to come back down. St Augustine talked about the City of God and the City of Man. If I may mix them up a bit, our lives have often been likened to a journey up a mountain. If so, then one of the fantastic views from the mountain is of the city from which we came. When we reach that mountain top, we (as Christians) will never climb back down again. Will we see the beauty of the city only from the mountaintop? If so, surely we will be remorseful and repent.

(PS: I think it is apt that the hymn above refers to the rolling thunder as one of the wonders of God. This rolling thunder often accompanies a natural force that wreaks havoc amongst us humans.)

The wonder of you

2006-09-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

It occurs to me that there might be impressionable minds reading this, and I really ought not to be leading them astray. I don't mean to.

Life is so magical. Particularly in its ordinariness. God made the ordinary and I believe he is satisfied with it. We, on the other hand, seek the magical and the supernatural. And maybe we miss his magic, or worse are misled by conjury and illusion.

Sometimes, I say something out of wonderment, and often, there's so much more I couldn't say (and perhaps didn't see). And yet I share this incompleteness hoping that others may fill the gaps.

I hear you, and welcome your voice. Do not think your voice is lesser for any reason. For I believe in your power and your wisdom. Even if you don't.

i give you

2006-09-09T13:36:00.000+08:00

I once loved a girl who loved another. I wrote this for her. This is dedicated to us who loved in vain:

i give you
the wrong kind of right love
repulsive intensity
nakedness frightening
cowering timidity
storms of moody passions
symptoms of a bleeding heart
i cannot love you
because i do

you give me
the right kind of wrong love
unflinching patience
concern enduringly
a sheltering calm
laughter to drive away my pain
balm from a receptive mind
you can love me
because you don't

Thank you to those who left their marks here...

In search of people, in praise of failure

2006-09-09T11:10:00.000+08:00

Paul Twohill just got kicked off Singapore Idol. Xiaxue's entry on sex under 18 in stomp.com got kicked off too. I remember Maia from the last Idol, and to a lesser extent Olinda. They do not represent the average Singaporean but I think they personify what it means to be a Singaporean. More than the average Singaporean.

I don't know what it is I mean to say but I am reminded today how failure defines us more than our successes. It's as if we are not real or complete until we fail. Not that we should intentionally fail. Not at all. Quite the reverse, in fact. But. . .

I see failure in its positive and affirming light. I can't explain it but I celebrate and ache for those who fail. Isn't love the most sublime when you love me in my failure?

Know this ye who seek love...

2006-09-09T06:53:00.000+08:00

There's this article in Today's paper on what teenagers should be allowed to do when it comes to sex. This Aussie (I think) expert recommended the middle path - don't disapprove completely but meet in the middle. I have this problem with sex education today - in Singapore or elsewhere: it only talks about sex.

Actually, I don't think knowledge about sex is the problem. It's the lack of understanding about love. So, here, people, is what you need to know but have never been told.

There are 4 stages to love:
1. attraction - like it or not, love begins with superficial attraction: looks, money, intelligence, empathy, etc. Whatever turns you on, it's not the whole person but something you notice and like. Many people think this is love. It is, but there's more.
2. discovery - that's when you get to know one another better. Some call this going steady. The problem is that for some, this is already commitment while to the partner, it may just be testing the water.
3. commitment - people, there's no commitment until he/she says so. Don't fall into the mistake of thinking there is just because everything is hunky dory. To some, commitment is going steady, to others it's engagement, to yet others it's marriage. There're different depths of commitment, so don't assume.
4. relationship - the kind of love that you see in old couples, holding hands and caring for one another after several decades comes from developing the relationship. It takes work and sacrifice.

The problem with teenage love is not that it is not true love but that it can be [true love]. Romeo and Juliet are teenagers. Mary was only 13 when she gave birth to Jesus. The problem with teenage love is that you are ready for love but your partner is unlikely to be. And, society would rather you wait - no, it is not just your parents but the whole of society. In teenage love, you are fighting the tide. Worse, you may actually be in agreement with the tide, deep inside.

But, you are lonely and you yearn for someone to love or who loves you. What can you do? For some, knowing your problem is enough. For the rest, I was post more later.

confessions of a conflicted christian #1

2006-09-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

Blasphemy: That God loves Christians and non-Christians alike.
It is commonly held that the Jews were the chosen people of God in the Old Testament while Christians are chosen today by Christ to enter heaven. Most people find such a view offensive. I do too. Surely, if God is as righteous as he is claimed to be then he will reward all righteous people whether or not they are Christians/Jews. By the same token, if God is loving, surely he is not persuaded simply by those who are Christian but who show no such love for their fellowmen. At the same time, surely He is touched by those who are not Christians who have such love for their fellowmen.

I agree. As a matter of fact, I find several passages in the Bible that contradicts this doctrine that Jews are the chosen people of God and that Christians and only Christians have a place in heaven. For example, God so loved Nebuchadnezzar He not only gave over Judah to Babylon but also drove the king mad until he acknowledged God. In other words, God Himself converted Nebuchadnezzar the Babylonian king. Jonah, as another example, was sent to save Nineveh, which is Assyrian not Jewish (and indeed great enemies of the Jews). Elsewhere too in the Old Testament God showed concern and favour to those who are not Jews and did not bestow special treatment to the Jews as far as I can see.

The Jews are chosen simply to keep God's law - the Torah - nothing more, nothing less. There was a reward and a covenant that goes with that, but nothing about a special place for Jews and not for others. Christians are chosen, if indeed we are chosen, to spread the good news that Jesus brought. Jesus may have prepared a place for us, but our right of entry remains in question (at least to me). If all that is needed is to believe in Jesus, then there will have been no need for Revelations, in which nearly all mentioned churches were rebuked and found wanting.

I think God loves us all - Christians and non-Christians alike. We have no more claim to God than any of his other creatures. And heaven is available to all, Christians and non-Christians alike.

Apologia:
So why am I a Christian? Because I believe that Jesus taught the truth - that there is God, and that we ought to love one another. I find this truth so evident that it is a wonder we don't know it. It is as if Jesus knew the plan and came to remind us what we already know. I am a Christian because I believe Jesus, not because I think by believing Jesus I will go to heaven.

confessions of a conflicted christian

2006-09-07T19:04:00.000+08:00

I wasn't a Christian for the longest time. As such, I share the bewilderment of non-Christians about the claims that Christians often make. It is not difficult to accept that there is a God and that good people go to heaven. Most people, of whatever religion, have a similar concept to this. But the idea, for example, that all you have to do is to claim Jesus as your saviour and you will have a place in heaven, or that only those who believe in Jesus have a claim to heaven, is simply too wild to accept. Here, therefore, I will reveal those doubts as I have them and discuss them as I see them. There are two parts to every entry: blasphemy and apologia.

The blasphemy deals with an idea that I think contradicts what we think Christians believe. Perhaps it contradicts Christian doctrine, but I hesitate to claim this. It certainly contradicts some commonly held beliefs about Christianity.

The apologia explains why I am still a Christian.

This thread then may be viewed as an ABC of Christianity - a confession, a blasphemy and an apology.

Knowing and doing...

2006-09-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

I am reminded again of the ease of saying and the difficulty of doing. The difficulty lies in myself. Even though it is other people who stirs up the negativity in me. Is it just that I am growing old, as in over 50 and counting, or have I always been this way? I forget.

Xin wants to write books, and I remember Pessoa and my unfinished journal - the art of growing old.

It's nice how unconnected thoughts open new windows.

Three most important things in your life

2006-09-04T12:53:00.000+08:00

Xin said yesterday that she expresses herself best through dance, and asked me if architecture is the same for me. I said no, architecture is to me realisation. To me, architecture helps me to realise what our world ought to be. It doesn't say very much about how I feel. So, to me:

My most important way of expressing myself is through love.
My most important way of realising myself is through architecture.
And my most important way of fulfilling myself is through singing.

This got us asking the family what their important things are. For Feeyoon, it's family, health and blessing. For Xin, it's love and balance. There's no third thing - this would break the balance. Cool, I thought. What are yours?